Essential Prisoner’s Wife/Partner Survival Kit

Essential Prisoner’s Wife/Partner Survival Kit

We all hear stories of how a relationship where one partner is incarcerated doesn’t work. I know many couples who successfully navigate this process. Relationships are as varied as the partners themselves and as in all types of relationships no right or wrong way exists. Couples who manage to make this look easy have a few things in common. These couples use a mix of the following things to keep their relationships fresh and manageable:

Good Attitude:  You have heard the expression: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. From having an open-spirit, to being strong-willed, to being more optimistic, your experience is directly related to your attitude. They don’t fret over things they can’t control.

Mode of communication: Communication is the backbone of any relationship. Letters, calls, email, visits, doesn’t matter as long as you communicate. Communication tricks distance. No matter how far apart you are, reading a letter or hearing a voice will instantly transport you to where they are. Always find a way. Remember, quality matters over quantity.

Support System: Family, friends, church members, support groups, anyone willing to accept you and offer you an ear is someone you want to have in your corner. You need an outlet to release the baggage you might not know you are carrying. Anyone in this life doesn’t get through it alone, isolation breeds misery. Happy couples know this.

Memento: A picture, piece of clothing, DNA, quite honestly something to obsess over. You want to create the illusion your partner is with you. The picture in your heart works, but over time things fade. Couples who make it work express their devotion in endless pictures, t-shirts, cards, etc.

YOU: “And the two shall become one”…this sounds great on greeting cards and as a notion to live by when having a relationship, but not so much in the case of losing oneself under all things prison related. None of this is possible without you. You are the one who answers the calls. You are the one making the trips, sending the packages, getting the money orders. You are the one paying the bills, raising kids, maintaining homes, going to school….AND taking care of your partner. You are the one making sure your partner maintains some level of comfort. Take care of you! Successful couples never forget comfort for both partners is essential.

What does your kit contain?

  1. Michelle WalkerMichelle Walker03-07-2012

    Reesy, my favorite line from this blog is “communication tricks distance”. Thank you for prodding us along this journey!

  2. Annette RuizAnnette Ruiz03-07-2012

    Reesy, this is AWESOME!! Thank u!!!

  3. kunquodakunquoda03-29-2012

    I am new to this site,just getting my feet fiance’ has been in prison for 25 years, he gets out in 2 years. I met him while he was in prison and so far we have a beautiful relationship. But…I do have some concerns that I am in direr need of talking about…my family is not supportive and I have no one to turn to…. I am 64 years old and am sure I want to marry this man. he is 14 years younger than I am , which is one reason my family is against this marriage, one of my daughters is beginning to be more accepting and my other daughter has said she will disown me if I go through with this marriage. Other members of my family have just simply stopped talking about it since as they put it, they can’t get through to me..I was concerned about the age difference at first but have learned that it really doesn’t matter, and we are both ok with it now. MY concerns are this..he is being overly protective, he says he worries about me getting hurt and he can’t be here to help me. He doesn’t want me going anywhere alone, he doesn’t want me going out after dark., etc. he questions me when he finds out that I have gone somewhere with questions like. where did you go, how long were you gone, did you talk to anyone, did you go alone.. etc.. he is border lining being possessive . I understand completely where he is coming from with all this but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. I have been single for 12 years and am very independent and am used to coming and going as I want. and making my own decisions. He gets upset if I make a major decision without talking to him first, we agreed that we would consult with each other on everything. I understand all this but sometimes I feel like he is taking my independence away from me and taking control of my life.. I don’t want to lie to him, our relationship is based on trust and honesty but I feel like I should lie sometimes to keep him from getting upset and to keep me from loosing my own identity ..I need to hear some comments on this and feel better about the whole situation..thanks for any help you can give me…

    • Kimberly BrownKimberly Brown08-09-2012

      Be honest….It will be his responsability to catch up to you! Make it clear now of your independence and dont let him change you in this area. If he is a little controlling its maybe because he has had bad experiences in his past with trust in others….Draw your lines now and let him learn NOW befor he gets out where you stand so its not this big ordeal when he gets out….Thats my advice to you!

  4. KaylaKayla04-05-2012

    Thank you for posting this! I always look forward to reading your blogs!

  5. CammyCammy04-15-2012

    Can you tell me how I can listen to the talk show I’ve been trying and the link doesn’t work please help I paid for the subscription that covers the talk show as well any help would be GREATLY appreciated.

  6. Lorna SteMarieLorna SteMarie04-27-2012

    I am new to this game- less than a year. I know it’s love, real love, though we’ve never even been able to even hold hands. We knew it from the very start. But my religion is firmly against it and that is making my life hard. I can’t just change churches like some can, cuz I will be disfellowshipped and lose all the friends and people who have become dear to my heart. I don’t know what to do, but I guess we’ll figure it out. Good luck to all you who have men in prison- it takes a very special woman to love that man!

  7. Kimberly BrownKimberly Brown08-09-2012

    If you know it is true love and marriage is going to be you and his goal……Remember when you take your husband you forsake all others…If they do not support you that is a problem they need to work on, not yours! You have to live for you…

  8. MaryMary07-02-2013

    I want to thank you sooo much for these encouraging words, I now dont feel so alone and I have my courage back, sometimes it is hard to fight on and be strong but your absolutely right If others dont support you and understand your relationship, then it is their problem. I feel so lucky to have found the kind of love we share, Rarely do people get to love so deeply in this world today.

    Thanks everyone who shared comments,

  9. Yolanda JohnsonYolanda Johnson01-04-2014

    This is so important to me, and I thank you so much for the support and wisdom. God bless you

    • MohamedMohamed09-08-2014

      Superb inooimatrfn here, ol’e chap; keep burning the midnight oil.

    • MadeehaMadeeha02-28-2015

      Wow, this is in every resecpt what I needed to know.

  10. MekoMeko07-22-2018

    I’m new to this and Im just wanting to know how to be as supportive as possible I’m a year in and he has 7 more to go we talk everyday I just want our communication to be better can anyone give advice on keeping things interesting if you know what I mean.

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Living your life when your partner is locked up means knowing what you can and can not control and making the most of it.

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