Mottos, Mantras, & Make Believe for Prisoners’ Wives/Partners

Mottos, Mantras, & Make Believe for Prisoners’ Wives/Partners




Ever chant a slogan over and over or cheer a team to victory? Remember the feeling?

The words become a part of you. You feel empowered. Excited. Intoxicating. Sane.

What do you chant about your relationship? How do you keep going?

The prison system has a way of permeating all aspects of your life. Sayings, slogans, and affirmations are a way to escape the demands of a prison-filled world.

Such as:

“We are going to make it!”
“I’m okay, if you are okay.”
“You are my air.”
“Family first. Prison whenever.”
“He/She is worth it.”
“My bid is better when you are better.”

Each time you utter a special saying, you recommit, but don’t stop there. Invent a world with a population of two, where no one else speaks the language, where you are…free.

Having a phrase that expresses who you are as a couple opens the door to your safe haven. Physicality is limited but there are no boundaries to the mind.

Your job is to do whatever necessary to make this life easier, to fortify each other and to keep moving forward, even if it seems out of this world.

Mrs. GE-6309 Time: My secret world is ‘homecoming.’ Homecoming is more than an event. It is a place I go when I want to feel better, a place where I dream and am happy. [rft]

What mottos/mantras/slogans to you use to cheer on your relationship?
How do you escape?

  1. mad17maddiemad17maddie06-29-2012

    After EVERY visit, as we start to walk away from eachother,

  2. MrsPintorxoMrsPintorxo08-04-2012

    after every visit , i always whisper to him ” i love you ” before i walk out the door. and our sayin is ” its ride or die ” <3

  3. AutoFill Glinda Fay White, 83601san Mato AveAutoFill Glinda Fay White, 83601san Mato Ave09-25-2012

    I feel so alonged cant talk to some of my girlfriends they don’t understand? They they say why go with someone in prison? I cant help who I fell in love with. They say you have such beautiful personality. But my heart cat tai? My family wnot approved specially my son.but I’m happy so i hope i can mk friends to talk to and understand what I’m going through. My name is Glenda please get back at me. Thank you

    • tlandintlandin10-24-2012

      Hi Glenda my name is Tina I’m new here I just wanted you to know I know what your going thorough and how you feel. My husband been gone for a year now and still has 2left

    • Jacqui MartchJacqui Martch07-16-2013

      Hi Glenda
      I live in South Africa, my man has been in prison 11 years now and will only be eligable for parole in 2015. I know what you are going through and you are welcome to chat to me anytime. Remember cup always half full never half empty

  4. jessicajessica10-03-2012

    Hi everyone…. My name is Jessica and I am writing a thesis for my masters degree and I chose the topic of women in relationships with incarcerated men (5. Year sentence or greater). There are several reasons why I chose this topic, but moat importantly, I chose it to give women ia chance to be heard about their struggle and their challenges and their way of life and how it differs from being co.venrional and the struggles that go along with society’s perception of their. Life circumstances… Also, I want to get into rhe relationship, what works and what doesnt… How communication plays an important role in the maintenance of the incarcerated relationship… Are any of you ladies up for it? I would truly appreciate all of your truths and I will always protect your identity so you would never be exposed… Anyone who wants to help and create a new awareness for people, I’m ready to put it all together and get it out there… Thank you :)

    • LisaLisa11-15-2012

      Hi Jessica I was just reading your post and was wondering how this was going for you and what you had found out so far. My husband is incarcerated and is just short of being half way through a 16 year bit. Look forward to hearing from you.

    • GoldieGoldie03-07-2013

      Hi Jessica. You still looking for people? If you are, I’d love to help and I know my boyfriend (in 15th yr of a life sentence) also would not mind contributing to your research. If you’ve got the ball rolling already, good luck with everything. =)

    • Jacqui MartchJacqui Martch07-16-2013

      Hi Jessica I would be happy to help anytime. I live in South Africa.

  5. halleyhalley11-03-2012

    Hi my name is Halley, my boyfriend just went to jail for big charges. He’s an amazing man and has years to face everyone tells me to leave him but i love him, he’s my best friend and we just started a life together,any advice to help me decide what to do and help me through this

  6. LxoLxo02-11-2013

    Every man needs a woman when his life is a mess. The QUEEN protects her KING, just like a game of chess. His rider <3

  7. ribaby19ribaby1904-19-2013

    This website is gonna do me alot of good, I think. My boyfriend has a chance of 25 to life. It’s going to be such a struggle for both of us, but I am ready to wait for him. I love him. My family doesn’t approve, I got into a huge argument about it with my father. But.. I love him. I always will. He’s still loving me on the inside, he deserves to be loved on the outside.

  8. AlyAly04-23-2013

    Lxo! That’s so great, I just sent that in a letter to my fiance! So true! But the other one we use a lot is ” absence makes the heart grow fonder ” and when we end our letters and emails, we sign the “you and Me till the world blows!” Those arr the things that help remind me why i have no choice but to ride for my boo!
    Blessings and strength to all my loyal wifeys and girlfriends!
    Xoxo Aly

  9. ALRLALRL05-07-2013

    Ladies, let me tell you a story of love and determination. Most of you here are all young with young boyfriends and husbands, but did you ever stop to think about the older men in prison? and their wives and in some cases, their girlfriends? My husband is 50 years old and I am 65 years old..humm, think about that for a second…My husband has been in prison for 25 years of a 20 to life sentence, get this, for a crime he did not commit..yeah, yeah, I know they all say that, but my husband was convicted on a felony murder charge based on the felony murder rule. It’s a doctrine that says if you are with someone who commits a felony and someone dies as a result, everyone can be convicted of first degree murder..Google it..”.Felony murder rule” anyway, back to my story..I went through a very difficult divorce and had told myself that my only goal in life was to be the best grandmother I could be. I stayed to myself and was content to be just a mom, grandma and great grandma. I didn’t date anyone and had no interest in meeting anyone. My family would encourage me to go out, find someone, do something. but I had no interest in any of that…11 years past and, I was alone and liked it like that.. in fact, I set my standards so high that no man could ever fit the criteria to be my perfect mate. .One day, I got a call from my x grandson who was in prison doing 10 years, he said, he had a friend doing life that just needed a pen-pal. and ask if he could give him my address, I thought about it and said alright. I mean, the guy was doing life so what did I have to loose and I thought it might be nice to have a friend . I went on about my life and didn’t give it a second thought, I went to bed a couple days later and while I was saying my prayers, I told God that if he wanted me to have a man in my life that he would have to find me because I wasn’t going to look for him. A week or so had passed and one day I get this letter from someone in prison but it wasn’t the same one that my grandson was in. I didn’t know the name on the return address but after all it was addressed to me so I opened it and began to read one of the nicest letter I have ever read. It was 7 pages long and the writer was so sweet, he explained why he was in prison and how he felt bout life, his interests and his goals. he told me about his family and he ask about mine. There was a certain honesty, a certain charm about him and I felt compelled to write back with ” my side of the story”, I wrote a 9 page letter, telling him my interests, goals, my likes and dislikes..Well, we wrote back and forth for a month or so and I found myself really looking forward to his letters. I wrote to him and ask him to call me..His voice was as wonderful as his letters and I was interested in learning more. He ask me if I would consider coming to visit him, I agreed and before i knew it, I was sitting in a visiting room at a prison waiting to put a face to the words and voice I had became so intrigued with. As I sat there, I wondered what the hell I was doing, I must be out of my mind. What was I thinking? I turned around a saw a tall, handsome man looking at me, he walked up to me and said” I think I am looking for you.”.His smile lit up the room, he pulled my chair out for me and I braced myself for what ever came next.. I was nervous, all kinds of thoughts went threw my head. what if I really like him..what if I don’t, what if he doesn’t like me,, oh my what if he does..I wonder if my make up is smeared, do I look okay to come to a prison, I was calm on the outside but not at all on the inside. I looked at him, I never saw bald look so good on a man before..and yes, he had a beard, good, I love facial hair. Tall, 6ft 1 in..humm I always wanted a tall man. not too thin, not to heavy, just right. built pretty darn good the way I see it…He smiled at me and took my hand, “don’t be nervous, I promise I won’t bite” he said. the touch of his hand was like an electrical charge and I knew I was more than just interested..we had a wonderful visit and as I walked away, all I could say to myself was ” I want that man, I want that man”…Lee and I wrote, talked on the phone and visited for about 6 months, then one day he ask me to marry him. I did’t need to think twice, I said yes…My family was livid, they absolutely refused to accept my marrying a con, an inmate, a man in prison. a murderer. and the fact that he was so much younger than me was the icing on the oldest daughter swore she would disown me, There was no one that wished us well. NO ONE. Even the general public took a dim view of the situation. But I was determined to be happy, I was simply NOT going to allow my family or anyone else to dictate my future. It was right for me and Lee and that’s what matters. Well I am happy to announce that Lee and I got married the 4th of March 2013 and we are looking forward to a happy and long marriage…He is up for parole in 2015. In the mean time we have our own language, we have pet names for each other, and we are getting to know each other very well. we have bonded, even being separated. As for intimacy, well, every time I hear his voice we are intimate, every time he says I love you , we are intimate. We don’t have to be touching to feel each other. I feel him with me all the time. I still feel his embrace from our last visit. Sure, it’s hard to love someone in prison but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, And ladies, if you can’t be true to your man, then you don ‘t need to be in the relationship at all. put yourself in his shoes..he would be better off without you than to know you’re cheating on him, he can’t defend himself from that type of thing right now. If you love your man, I mean truly love him, then stand by him, be the light in his dark world, support him, encourage him. fight for him, and be true to him….the old saying goes, ” if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen…Good luck and God bless….Mrs. Lee

    • Mary & MrMary & Mr07-26-2013

      Your story is s o same… ;) We both are 55 – isn’t it amazing that things just happen? Congratulations to you two and good luck!

    • SUSU01-04-2014

      What a wonderful story! I too am in love with a younger man who is in jail and most likely will be going to prison for very serious charges. I am contemplating leaving him as I do not know what to do at this point. Thank you Mrs. Lee

      • kunquodakunquoda01-07-2014

        What’s right for one person is not necessarily right for another. I am sure you will decide what’s best for you. Don’t make any quick decisions, think about it then do what you think is best.. Either way, stay or go, I wish you the best.

      • TzengTzeng09-08-2014

        That’s a skillful answer to a diuffcilt question

      • JosefJosef02-19-2015

        Centuries of slavery and dioiacminrtisn. We are improving through every decade but recessions such as the Great Recession that we just experienced adversely affect the poor disproportionately. In addition, as a result, some middle class people fall into poverty due to job losses and loss of savings.No one sensible expects the ill effects of past dioiacminrtisn to disappear quickly but the improvements in the African American community have been fairly steady. As Vernon Jordan pointed out, however, at the National Urban League Conference last July, there is a gap growing within the African American community between the middle class and the poor. It must be addressed. Education has to be the focus. The jobs of most Americans are being threatened by globalization. The emphasis has to be on training for the jobs of the future, not just for African Americans, but for all Americans.Edit: I am African American and it never ceases to amaze me how blatantly racist some of the conservatives are regarding questions and answers on YA about African Americans. What does this accomplish?

  10. Genevieve DavisGenevieve Davis06-21-2013

    This blog is so spot on for me In my relationship right now. We’ve allowed the stress to break us down. I am so happy I read this. I am refocused and motivated to bring my relationship back where it should be.
    Slogan ” iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou”

  11. StefaneyStefaney07-01-2013

    My boyfriend s in prison, has been for about 3 years with a few more to go… I love him more then I have ever thought I could love another human being. I get so sad though when I visit him and have to leave him there. I see how cruel some of the CO’s can be and it kills me. I miss him more and more everyday, if that is even possible. I love him, more then words could ever describe and I just wish he could come home to me. :(

  12. ALRLALRL07-07-2013

    Just touching base ladies, back in May I posted about my husband and I and how we started our relationship. We are doing great..the love has never been stronger and I am so sure I did the right thing in marrying him. Ya know, sometimes God leads us to do things we don’t always understand but we just know it’s the right thing to do..and I believe that God will show us a way to be strong following that lead. But…please beware…most prison marriages end in divorce. While that is a sad statistic , it very true.There are a lot of men in prison who will say and do just about anything just to have someone on the outside to cling to. By all means, love and stand by your man but if you ever get that gut feeling he is not being honest with you or you just feel something is not right, stop and walk away now. There is no greater joy than being in a good relationship but there’s no greater hell that to be in a bad one… Just be carefull. and God bless..

    • Lisa WilsonLisa Wilson07-15-2013

      Alrl, you do realize the irony in posting a warning to others about the same situation you are in is not lost on the readers of your post.

      If you just feel the need to fall in love with your penpal, I guess it is your life, but I can’t see what benefit you get by marriage. In many ways you are the woman that you have warned other women about. I thought this was a thread for women who already knew the inmate prior to the sentence.

      I don’t blame your friends and family for being pissed. You invited this chaos into your life when you could have said no to this stranger. You felt lonely and I can sympathize but to marry him? You are old enough to know better than this. So now you spend upwards of $200 $400 per month for collect phone calls, visits and money on his books just for him to say I love you? Slightly different if you knew him prior….
      Former Jail guard

    • EmineEmine09-09-2014

      My wife and I have been very blessed in our lives. We have also lived tgurohh very tight times ( I. E., blood donations.) We have always felt the love if others. Many times, we picked up the bill for another at a resturant. Other times we paid for another’s groceries. Another time we put together a baby shower for a lady we never met who left an abusive home. Instead of money, we gave a man in the rain a sleeping bag, a coat, and accessories along with a gift card for a meal at Denny’s. When my wife ad I ran into financial issues, we were blessed by people who remained anonymous with a $500 gift card twice. We always asked why. We had a very hard time accepting. Why us? LovePay it forward It will come back when needed

    • EndangEndang02-20-2015

      Liberal politicians want to keep it that way so they gain more power and get their votes. It obuoivs every city ran by liberals is ran into the ground with most of them on welfare and half of them drop out of school the schools are so bad! They don’t teach family values and bash Christian religion! Churches like Rev Wright only teaches people to be Vengeful, angry and full of hate! Thats not how to grow!!! That doesn’t help people become successful in life! It keeps them down, depressed and angry only to help marxists grow a army of haters!

  13. kunquodakunquoda01-07-2014

    Lisa Wilson, you are right, I am warning women who are in the same position as I am, and who better to do that than someone in the same position. And in regards to my marrying an inmate, you are right again, I did invite this man into my life but you are wrong about my inviting the chaos. Any time something is out of the ordinary, people don’t understand it, clearly you are one of these people. Unless you have walked a mile in my shoes, please do not pass judgment on me. Yes, I could have said no to this stranger, but I chose to say yes. I do not have $200, $400 a month phone bills, I do not send what I don’t have.. We will be married 1 year this coming March and I would do it all again, in a New York minute. I have no regrets. This thread is for anyone who has a loved one in prison, there are a lot of us who met our mates after they were incarcerated.
    And where in the world did you get the idea I was lonely? I have never spent a lonely moment in my life.. I didn’t meet nor marry out of loneliness. desperation, or any need I may have had. I married this man because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. If I had met him under different circumstances I would feel the same way. And just for the heck of it, I might want to remind you, that as a jail guard, you were not the popular person with loved ones of inmates. I for one think the guards overstep their boundaries ALOT, they use their power to intimidate and dehumanize inmates, I am not judging them , just speaking facts. I realize not all guards are created equal but I do believe the majority of jail and prison guards are shameful, misguided and use their power in hurtful and unjust ways. The prison system as well as our judicial system is in dire need of reform. Unfit prison guards are just part of the problem. Glad to hear you are a FORMER guard. Thank you for your response. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Next time please educate yourself before you remark on someone else’s decisions. I am Mrs. Lee

  14. MoniqueMonique04-27-2014

    I’m new to this website and I’m so glad that I found it. I believe it can help me to not feel like this new journey for my husband and I will be long and dreadful. I miss him already. He’s only been gone for 3 weeks now. He is facing up to 4 years in prison. I just pray that when we go to court next month, the prosecutors and the judge will have mercy on him and cut it in half. I realize now, how much I love my husband. He’s my everything. I wish this separation would have never happened, but everything has a purpose. And I’m trying to find that purpose now. I pray for every woman on this page that has chosen to stand by her husband and not divorce him. The road is tough, but with God’s strength we can make it.

  15. futuremrsevansfuturemrsevans05-02-2014

    Awwww, I loved this and the stories! My love has only been in for 4 months and we are still unsure of the sentence. I’ve struggled about waiting for him but this website just confirmed what I already knew. I love him too much to leave his side. I’m so happy to have found this site. Blessings to you all.

  16. Mrs. TalleyMrs. Talley05-31-2014

    Thank you so much Mrs. Lee. Your posts is very appreciated and encouraging. I’m so happy I stumbled upon this forum.

  17. JellybeanJellybean07-06-2015

    “You’ve got us”
    Us refers to whichever of us says it and our 4 year old son…
    We say it to each other whenever the other is feeling especially sad (or just at random) and it never fails to get a smile….
    I hate not knowing how to make all this go away…especially when i look at @ and see hes somewhere far away in his thoughts, and the look on his face goes beyond sadness…its like a desperate longing and confusion as well as an understanding…and hearing him talking to daddy on the phone asking him “daddy when u getting out of there?” “Why u still there? Were gonma come get u ok? We comin to pick u up. Right mommy?” “Me n mommy r gonna go rob da bank so we can pay the guards so u canget outta der….but if da police mans catch us well be ok daddy cuz then we can all go jail togeder, ok dad?” He misses him so much… It breaks My heart…it literally feels like its swelling up as the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness that I work hard to keep in check overwhelm me so quickly I feel like I’ll puke…

  18. ToniToni11-08-2015

    Hello I am 51 and my boyfriend is 39 years old and has been incarcerated for 2 months now and he will be getting out in a year and a half. Nobody supports me in this relationship. I found this site to see if there were others in love with someone in prison, and I am so glad that I am not alone. Me and Jeramy are very intimate through our letters, phone calls, and visits. My love for him just grows deeper and deeper, and his letters say the same for him for me. He wants to marry me when he gets out in 2017. Anyway God Bless everyone, and thank you for sharing. As far as sex, it was great before he went to prison, and in our letters, I can feel him too, as if he is always with me. It’s great, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

  19. AGEEAGEE12-05-2015

    Our thing is saying I love you a million times and I tell him hes my world and he tells me I’m his everything. He says you stay by my side now, and I will take care of you for the rest of your life.. And that I know he will do. We are currently riding out an 8 year sentence. and hes 10 months away from FINALLY being home!

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Living your life when your partner is locked up means knowing what you can and can not control and making the most of it.

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